seeking out the beauty

I confess: I have been stuck in a rut.

Having Cystic Fibrosis, this often happens when I get sick. My body can take a long time to regain strength - sometimes weeks, a month, maybe two or more. But I have noticed lately that my mind and spirit are even slower to recharge. Coming out of a two-month bout of illness, my physical energy is thankfully increasing (though slowly). But my spirit is at a standstill. Stuck between surviving and thriving.

In my most frustrating moments, I feel as though I am an animal: a free bird caged by her dependence, a dog who cannot take a step without someone toting her leash. Like a creature kept inside, breathing in the steely air and soaking up the neon sun.

(Photo by RoseAlma)

Then it occurred to me: creatures live in the wild.

Even if only for a moment. Even if draped in oxygen tubes. Creatures need to breathe the natural air. Creatures need to see the open sky. It teaches their heart to open.

So I wasted no time. Stepping outside, on our front porch: I pulled my two green oxygen tubes and slowly walked myself right out that front door, envisioning the big white wicker chair just beyond. On its cushion was a cute little yellow leaf, blown from a nearby tree. I picked it up gently and sat. Pulled my legs to my chest and cozied up. My eyes flew upward, taking in the beautiful blue sky smeared with white fluffy cloud. Wind blowing through the turning trees, bare branches dancing in the distance, leaves all over the yard.

So much beauty.

And as the feeling filled my heart, I realized my spirit was lifted.

I’m a person of nature. Being close to it brings me home in a way nothing else can. And no matter how troubled I have felt in the past, taking a moment in nature has always brought me back to my center and to humanity. But when you are sick, you often live your life from the inside looking out. And when every move is a challenge and every breath is a pain, nature can seem so far away. And I let it stay that way.

It is easy to lose touch with the things that make you come alive. To slip into the gap of routine and monotony because it seems easier. But really we are making the journey harder. And we are robbing ourselves of all of its beauty along the way.

So today, this moment, I was choosing to change.

Choosing to soak up the light and let the outside in.

I had been in such a rut because I had been going against my natural instincts. Denying a basic necessity for my mind, body, and spirit. And now I have to make a conscious effort to change for the better.

Seek out the beauty. It’s always waiting.

We just have to cross the threshold, and behold it.

It all was suddenly so clear as I sat there in the wicker chair, my heart overflowing with love. And I looked down in my hand, at the little yellow leaf twirling between my fingers. It had been waiting for me. A token for my beautiful journey. And I wondered if it knew in the spring when it bloomed that it would find its way to my hand.

learning to release

(Photo by WJ; edited by RoseAlma)

I recently wrote my first-ever online article, called The Hunt is Over, Happiness is Yours. (Featured on the wonderful writer and yoga instructor Jennifer Pastiloff's website, The Manifest-Station.) In the piece, I discuss different practices that we can do on our journey to experience the authentic happiness we have within. The first practice is that of release, or letting go. Specifically, it entails letting go anything negative in life, or that which does not positively serve us.

I received a message from a reader named Erin who said that she liked the article, but was struggling in her own life with this idea of release. She shared:

"I feel like I can't figure out how to get past the first level, the releasing, the letting go. People tell me all the time to release the pain, let it go... How do I let it go? What are those steps? I feel so stuck in sadness and grief and don't know how to let go... Can you tell me how you've released people and ideas and thoughts that don't serve you anymore?"

Dearest Erin, First allow me to say thank you. You ask such important questions, and I am so grateful you have the courage and heart to come forth with them.

In all honesty I will say, there are no simple steps to lay out for you. The pain you may be experiencing and the struggles you live through are not exactly the same as another's (because you are unique and beautiful you), and the steps to heal that pain will not be the same either. But that is okay - it is all still possible.

An important step before release is to face our pain or our sadness fully. Look it straight in the eye and see it for what it is. Examine what causes it and how it feels in all its fullness. In other words: let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. Grieving is a healthy process. And if necessary (and I encourage this), talk it over with the person or being that may be the source of such pain; and if that is not possible, then a professional.

The ultimate point is to be honest and to share the feelings that may be welling up in you. Once you share them, and share them completely, you can begin to let go. Held in, they can become a heavy weight that hangs on your mind and heart. But once shared, you are free to set those feelings down and move on to fresher and brighter ones.

Another important fact to remember is that this process never ends. We will always have struggles and pain that come in and out of our lives. Our lives are like waves or mountains: there are crests and troughs, peaks and valleys. But this fact is not meant to stress or worry you. On the contrary, it is a comfort. Because you should never be ashamed of your pain or struggles. It is natural, and it is human. But much like how we must be open and honest about our pain, we must be open and honest with our happiness. Life is never simply suffering. There is always sun behind the clouds, and there are always rainbows after the rain. (And sometimes during!) You have to open your heart to happiness. Because it is always there waiting to be discovered.

(Source: LeeAnnEdwards; edited by RoseAlma)

For me personally, my great shift in perspective and heart came at a time when my health was deteriorating greatly. The more I swam in my struggles, the more I found myself quietly and peacefully observing the outside world, and noticing the tenderness, humanity, and love within it. Looking outside slowly helped me find strength inside.

I also stumbled upon a beautiful book by Richard Bach called One. It opened my eyes to the fact that all beings are connected. And personally, realizing this truth helped me refocus my life on love - inspiring me to love everyone and everything in the world around me. Once I started to let love in fully, I slowly found it easier and easier to let go of what held me back in life: grudges old and new, heartaches, personal mistakes, negative thoughts, and certain people with whom I may not have seen eye to eye in some way. When I was ready, I internally told myself I no longer needed or wanted each of these things that weighed me down. Though, they were not all at once; and each release was only after I allowed myself to fully experience the emotions tied to it.

For people with whom I had differences or grudges, I made a list for myself and found a way to politely contact each individual. And in contacting them, I briefly but sincerely said that though they may not recall or understand, I wanted to release them from all upset in my heart. And that I genuinely wished them well. Some responded, some did not. But either way, it is perfectly fine. Because the ultimate point is to clear away the negativity and put forth love. And not because we have to, but because we want to.

This practice of identifying and releasing what does not serve us will continue on in life. But always know it is healthy and natural. As long as we continue to work towards being positive and loving, we will experience a brighter and more love-filled life. We are all in this together, and we are all one. Take strength in knowing you are never alone. And remember the love around you and within you.

I hope this helps in some small way, dear Erin.
And anyone else who may need help letting go.
My love is with you always. ♥

the meditation journey

(Source: RumiQuotes; edited by RoseAlma)

Fifty-seven days ago, I began a new journey in my life: the path of meditation. It is something I have been promising myself I would commit to since my time in college (about four years ago). The past year I have been reading up on the practice with the help of wonderful books like Steve Hagen's Meditation: Now or Never, which I greatly enjoyed. But I still struggled with beginning. Then in July, fate brought me where I needed to be. While online one day, I stumbled upon a worldwide event that was about to begin: Deepak Chopra's free "21-Day Meditation Challenge: Free to Love." I immediately joined, eager to break past the personal barriers that kept me from beginning on my own. And though it was a challenge to stay committed to the daily regimen in the first week, by the second I was thirsty for more. Now every time I sit in silence, I understand a little bit more about myself, and about the world. And each day is a chance to renew the love inside me.

Some days I am so moved by what I experience in meditation that I journal about it briefly for a minute after my session. I would like to share these writings with you. Here is the first:

♥ Aug. 8, 2012 --- I became a river - the water within. Thoughts, things passed over me, through me. But all the while I am there, I am flowing, I am clear. My skin's nearly vibrating, a peaceful electricity.

Have you ever meditated, or thought about meditating? What was it like for you?
If you haven't tried it, what do you think may be holding you back?

hearts and minds

"What we habitually react to is not reality, 

but our take on reality. 

It's within our own hearts and minds 

where our problems are created. 

And it's within our own hearts and minds 

that we can find freedom."

Steve Hagen

the whole world

(Source: FeliciaMarshall; edited by RoseAlma)

"Even if you are the only person in the room, you are anything but isolated. You are sitting on a cushion or chair that someone else made, which is on a floor that other people built. There's the sound of the bird chirping outside. There's the low sunlight dancing on the wall. There's the fresh breeze streaming through the window. There's the whole world right here."

Steve Hagen

"Man on Fire"

Beautiful music for you, from Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

A song bursting with genuine joy and love. ♥

enlightened moments

Hello beautiful people. ♥

I would like to start a new series of posts today.
I recently discovered a television series called "Enlightened."
And it shares some beautiful ponderings and truths.
So I will dedicate a post to each episode, and share the love-filled words.

the first:

               "I'm speaking with my true voice now. Without bitterness, or fear.
               And I'm here to tell you, you can walk out of hell, and into the light.
               You can wake up to your higher self.

               And when you do, the world is suddenly full of possibility, of wonder and deep connection.
               You can be patient, and you can be kind. You can be wise, and almost whole.

               You don't have to run away from life your whole life. You can really live.
               You can change. And you can be an agent of change.

               I will not run away from life my whole life. I will try to really live.
               I will be mindful, I will be wise. I will change. And I will be an agent of change."


Change is healthy, change is true.
Let us change, and be agents of change. Together. ♥

name your love

("Blooming heart" original painting by RoseAlma)

Dearest people,
What do you love?

strength

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. 

It comes from an indomitable will."

Mahatma Gandhi

I am here.

I am here, dear readers, even though things have been quieter.

But I have a question for you today...

Where are you? 

In life, in love, in this moment... any of it, all of it. 

Tell me, tell us, tell the universe. 

We care. And love you.

If you choose to share, I thank you.

If not, perhaps another time. ♥

Your darkness is shining.

(Source: LightaCandle, edited by RoseAlma)

"What hurts you, blesses you. 
Darkness is your candle."
Rumi

present thought

"Above all, the only thing 

you have to heal 

is the present thought. 

Get that right and 

the whole picture will change 

into one of harmony and joy."

Eckhart Tolle

Loveful, Thoughtful Friday

We have not been receiving questions or quotes from readers lately. (Which I do encourage anyone and everyone to feel free to participate in. Nothing is too serious or taboo to talk about, and I am always here: we.are.one@inbox.com.) But in this quieter period, even though people may not be speaking up or asking for help, I would like to offer my love and energy. As an expression of my endless love and sincerest appreciation for all of you beautiful souls in the world, I wish to share this lovely poem by one of my favorites, E. E. Cummings. It is for all who read this, and all who may never read my words. I love you.

(Source: EarthandMe, edited by RoseAlma)

I love you much (most beautiful darling)
more than anyone on the earth
and I like you better than everything in the sky.
- sunlight and singing welcome your coming
although winter may be everywhere
with such a silence and such a darkness
no one can quite begin to guess
(except my life) the true time of year -
and if what calls itself a world should have
the luck to hear such singing (or glimpse such
sunlight which will leap higher than high
through gayer than gayest someone's heart at your
each nearness) everyone certainly would
(my most beautiful darling) believe in nothing but love.



It may read as though these beautiful words were meant for one, and you may think me odd for offering them to all souls - surely how can an individual feel such sincere closeness to everyone?
But what you must remember: we are one.

Peace and love, sweet people of the world. ♥

finding strength

(Source: WorldofDiscovery, edited by RoseAlma)

"At that time of darkness, 

can be your greatest hour."

Nathan Wood, Film Entrepreneur

a translation

The following is a translation that I found of the sanskrit word "namaste."
It's explanation is beautiful, full of truth, and perfectly suited to our love-filled community. ♥

(Source: nirvikalpa)

My soul recognizes your soul. I honour the light, love, beauty, truth, and kindness in you because it is also within me. In sharing these things, there is no distance and no difference between us. We are the same, we are one.

Music Monday

The music I bring to you today is quite lengthy. But give it a chance, sweet readers. Even a minute will have you enraptured. The sights and the sounds are harmonizing and beautifully hypnotizing. Experiencing it is almost a small transcendence of the soul. ♥

Everyday is beautiful. Today is beautiful. This moment is beautiful. You are beautiful. I love you, and all that is.

Nothing is too small.

(Source: JoyHey, edited by RoseAlma)

"Do not consider any act 

of kindness insignificant, 

even meeting your brother 

with a cheerful face."

Muhammad, founder of Islam

every part of you

A beautiful expression of love and life. I truly believe in the soul that it sings. ♥

the sanctuary within

This past Thursday, I had a hard decision to make.

I visited doctors three hours away from my home, at Vanderbilt University. I am presently in the process of trying to be double-listed with them for my double-lung transplant. And the doctors announced to me that in order to list with them, the next time (and every time) I am sick, I must come to their hospital and stay under their care. They were hesitant to list me otherwise. But agreeing to this would mean that I would be away from my entire family (except for my sweet mother, the only person free to stay with me for the duration).

Perhaps this wouldn't seem like a huge dilemma for some, as it didn't seem like a large problem to my doctors. But as my dear mother so beautifully explained to my doctors: I am not a religious person per se; I am a spiritual being, and my strength in life comes from family and love. And suddenly, they were saying that I cannot have those things, when I am at my weakest. It was a very difficult decision to make: give up my support system, or give up my new chance for lungs.

I took the hard road and agreed, even with my fear against myself and being alone to face the darkness.
But I think this quote below illustrates quite well the mindset that just may save my spirit, and my life:

"Do not look for a sanctuary in anyone except yourself."

Siddhartha Gautama, Buddha

All that I need to survive already lives within me. All that I need to be happy already lives within me.

And I am never without love. We are never without love.

the universe and you

(Source: OneMansWonder, edited by RoseAlma)

"The universe cherishes your existence."

Deepak Chopra