the sanctuary within

This past Thursday, I had a hard decision to make.

I visited doctors three hours away from my home, at Vanderbilt University. I am presently in the process of trying to be double-listed with them for my double-lung transplant. And the doctors announced to me that in order to list with them, the next time (and every time) I am sick, I must come to their hospital and stay under their care. They were hesitant to list me otherwise. But agreeing to this would mean that I would be away from my entire family (except for my sweet mother, the only person free to stay with me for the duration).

Perhaps this wouldn't seem like a huge dilemma for some, as it didn't seem like a large problem to my doctors. But as my dear mother so beautifully explained to my doctors: I am not a religious person per se; I am a spiritual being, and my strength in life comes from family and love. And suddenly, they were saying that I cannot have those things, when I am at my weakest. It was a very difficult decision to make: give up my support system, or give up my new chance for lungs.

I took the hard road and agreed, even with my fear against myself and being alone to face the darkness.
But I think this quote below illustrates quite well the mindset that just may save my spirit, and my life:

"Do not look for a sanctuary in anyone except yourself."

Siddhartha Gautama, Buddha

All that I need to survive already lives within me. All that I need to be happy already lives within me.

And I am never without love. We are never without love.