learning to release

(Photo by WJ; edited by RoseAlma)

I recently wrote my first-ever online article, called The Hunt is Over, Happiness is Yours. (Featured on the wonderful writer and yoga instructor Jennifer Pastiloff's website, The Manifest-Station.) In the piece, I discuss different practices that we can do on our journey to experience the authentic happiness we have within. The first practice is that of release, or letting go. Specifically, it entails letting go anything negative in life, or that which does not positively serve us.

I received a message from a reader named Erin who said that she liked the article, but was struggling in her own life with this idea of release. She shared:

"I feel like I can't figure out how to get past the first level, the releasing, the letting go. People tell me all the time to release the pain, let it go... How do I let it go? What are those steps? I feel so stuck in sadness and grief and don't know how to let go... Can you tell me how you've released people and ideas and thoughts that don't serve you anymore?"

Dearest Erin, First allow me to say thank you. You ask such important questions, and I am so grateful you have the courage and heart to come forth with them.

In all honesty I will say, there are no simple steps to lay out for you. The pain you may be experiencing and the struggles you live through are not exactly the same as another's (because you are unique and beautiful you), and the steps to heal that pain will not be the same either. But that is okay - it is all still possible.

An important step before release is to face our pain or our sadness fully. Look it straight in the eye and see it for what it is. Examine what causes it and how it feels in all its fullness. In other words: let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. Grieving is a healthy process. And if necessary (and I encourage this), talk it over with the person or being that may be the source of such pain; and if that is not possible, then a professional.

The ultimate point is to be honest and to share the feelings that may be welling up in you. Once you share them, and share them completely, you can begin to let go. Held in, they can become a heavy weight that hangs on your mind and heart. But once shared, you are free to set those feelings down and move on to fresher and brighter ones.

Another important fact to remember is that this process never ends. We will always have struggles and pain that come in and out of our lives. Our lives are like waves or mountains: there are crests and troughs, peaks and valleys. But this fact is not meant to stress or worry you. On the contrary, it is a comfort. Because you should never be ashamed of your pain or struggles. It is natural, and it is human. But much like how we must be open and honest about our pain, we must be open and honest with our happiness. Life is never simply suffering. There is always sun behind the clouds, and there are always rainbows after the rain. (And sometimes during!) You have to open your heart to happiness. Because it is always there waiting to be discovered.

(Source: LeeAnnEdwards; edited by RoseAlma)

For me personally, my great shift in perspective and heart came at a time when my health was deteriorating greatly. The more I swam in my struggles, the more I found myself quietly and peacefully observing the outside world, and noticing the tenderness, humanity, and love within it. Looking outside slowly helped me find strength inside.

I also stumbled upon a beautiful book by Richard Bach called One. It opened my eyes to the fact that all beings are connected. And personally, realizing this truth helped me refocus my life on love - inspiring me to love everyone and everything in the world around me. Once I started to let love in fully, I slowly found it easier and easier to let go of what held me back in life: grudges old and new, heartaches, personal mistakes, negative thoughts, and certain people with whom I may not have seen eye to eye in some way. When I was ready, I internally told myself I no longer needed or wanted each of these things that weighed me down. Though, they were not all at once; and each release was only after I allowed myself to fully experience the emotions tied to it.

For people with whom I had differences or grudges, I made a list for myself and found a way to politely contact each individual. And in contacting them, I briefly but sincerely said that though they may not recall or understand, I wanted to release them from all upset in my heart. And that I genuinely wished them well. Some responded, some did not. But either way, it is perfectly fine. Because the ultimate point is to clear away the negativity and put forth love. And not because we have to, but because we want to.

This practice of identifying and releasing what does not serve us will continue on in life. But always know it is healthy and natural. As long as we continue to work towards being positive and loving, we will experience a brighter and more love-filled life. We are all in this together, and we are all one. Take strength in knowing you are never alone. And remember the love around you and within you.

I hope this helps in some small way, dear Erin.
And anyone else who may need help letting go.
My love is with you always. ♥